


Peace in Distraction

by Settiai



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Campaign 2 (Critical Role), Critmas Exchange, Critmas Exchange Treat, Established Relationship, M/M, One Shot, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-01
Updated: 2020-01-01
Packaged: 2021-02-19 03:27:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22004449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Settiai/pseuds/Settiai
Summary: Caleb didn't even look up when Essek entered the room.
Relationships: Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 16
Kudos: 219
Collections: Critmas Exchange 2019





	Peace in Distraction

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Amrynth](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amrynth/gifts).



Caleb didn't even look up when Essek entered the room.

In his defense, it was because he knew exactly who it was that had come through the doorway. He'd set up his Alarm spell earlier, and there had only been one person who he'd designated as having free entry. If it had been anyone else, he would have heard the alarm go off in his head as a warning that he needed to turn invisible or go jump out the nearest window or something else along those lines because he very much didn't want to deal with the rest of the Mighty Nein just then.

Since he didn't hear any such warning in his head, but he'd clearly heard the door open, that meant it had to be Essek.

"I've been told that it would be best if I avoided people until I was in a better mood," Caleb said matter-of-factly, not looking up from the book he was reading. "Jester had several creative words to describe my behavior. As did Beau."

There was a surprisingly inelegant snort of amusement from near the doorway. "Oh, believe me, I was warned."

Caleb's mouth twitched, despite his best efforts to hold it in, and he knew there wasn't any chance that Essek had missed it. He was too observant for that, no matter how much he liked to pretend otherwise at times. With a sigh, Caleb closed his book and finally let his gaze move upwards.

Essek was hovering just inside the door, watching him with a carefully expressionless look on his face. Caleb took a moment to simply taken in the view. It had been some time since they'd been back to Rosohna, and – while Jester had been in contact with Essek and others back in the Dynasty – it hadn't been the same.

On the surface, Essek didn't look any different. The faint circles under his eyes were perhaps a bit darker, but it was hard to tell considering his coloring. Still, that didn't mean anything. Caleb knew better than most that the deepest, most hurtful scars were often the ones that no one else could see with their eyes.

Just look at him.

Caleb's hands clenched into fists at that thought, almost of their own accord, and he quickly slipped them off the desk in front of him and into his lap. He doubted he'd moved fast enough to avoid Essek noticing, but he had to at least try.

Essek's eyebrows went up. "I would ask if you cared to discuss it," he said dryly, "but I suspect that I would quickly come to regret it."

"Ja," Caleb agreed, well aware that there was a bit of darkness in his voice that he hadn't actually meant to let slip out. He'd let his guard down more than he meant to do. "Quite possibly. Apparently I am being quite an arschloch lately."

"Just today?" Essek asked. His tone was casual, almost matter-of-fact, but Caleb knew him well enough by then to be able to see the hint of humor in his eyes.

Caleb laughed. It wasn't a particularly pleasant laugh, and it probably showed more of his hand than he would have liked, but he couldn't help it. It slipped out before he could stop it, and once he had started... well, it was difficult to stop.

Essek let out a loud sigh, and Caleb vaguely heard the sound of the door closing. Before his brain could process exactly what that meant, though, there were suddenly two arms wrapping around him with a surprising gentleness.

"Breathe," a familiar voice whispered from behind him. "In and out, breathe with me."

It took longer than he would have liked, but Caleb was able to get his semi-hysterical laughter back under control. "Apologies," Caleb managed to choke out. "It has been a very long few weeks."

If anything, the arms wrapped around him tightened their grip for a moment before letting go. A moment later, Essek slipped to the side and back into his view. "I expected as much," he said. "While Jester has kept us somewhat appraised, her summaries were... less than thorough. Or succinct."

Something that looked suspiciously like fond amusement flashed across his face for a moment, there and gone so quickly that Caleb would have missed it if he hadn't been watching so closely.

"Still," Essek continued, "it was enough to give us some worries. It sounded as if things become very—" He cut off at that, as if he couldn't quite come up with the correct word to use.

"I think that ‘very' by itself might work," Caleb said wryly. He let out a sigh and reluctantly unclenched his fists before he accidentally drew blood with his fingernails. Again.

Essek chuckled at that before letting his gaze move carefully over Caleb, as if he was cataloguing every piece of him. It was a familiar move, one that Caleb had seen before, although it had been some time since it had been aimed at him. And he was fairly certain it was the first time that he hadn't been covered in blood and other unsavory liquids when he'd been looked at so closely and carefully.

Time seemed to slow, and Caleb would have thought that Essek was using dunamancy if he hadn't been absolutely certain he would have noticed that. No, this time dilation was all in his head, just one more sign that he was broken and probably would always remain so.

"Perhaps you could use a distraction?" Essek suggested after a long moment of silence. There was a carefulness in his voice that Caleb wasn't used to hearing.

Caleb frowned at him. "I am not made of glass," he said. "I will not shatter."

Essek's mouth twisted into a familiar smirk. "Of course not," he agreed pleasantly, and Caleb recognized that tone of voice. It was the one Essek used when he thought the person he was speaking with was a fool but he wasn't going to waste his time or energy arguing with them.

It wasn't the first time Caleb had heard it aimed at him, and it probably wouldn't be the last.

Caleb narrowed his eyes. He wasn't an idiot. He knew exactly what Essek was doing, that he was purposefully trying to irritate him so that he'd stop thinking on the past and focus on the present, if only for a little while. It was annoying, and condescending, and... and... and...

... and, damn him, it was working. 

If anything Essek's smirk grew even more pointed, as if he knew exactly what thoughts were running through Caleb's mind. Then, without a word, he leaned down and pressed a slow, lingering kiss against Caleb's forehead.

Essek's lips burned like flames against Caleb's skin.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on Twitter. (https://twitter.com/settiai)


End file.
